I hope you and yours are staying well despite the violent insurrection in Washington DC on January 6th. This week, I want to bring you some hope and optimism for the future from an unlikely source. More on that below.
First, I’d like to share two insights that resonated with me as I sought to make sense of the attempted coup and think about a pathway forward.
The first is from our newly elected Georgia Senator, Raphael Warnock. PBS’s Judy Woodruff asked how we can get anything done with such a divided country and Senate. Warnock said “we have no choice!” and added this:
“Either we will learn to live together as sisters and brothers, or we will perish together as fools.” Martin Luther King Jr. speech in St. Louis, on March 22, 1964 (In Warnock’s version he added the sisters. Amen to that.)
And Warnock posed this key question: Do we want to continue in our silos of violent racial, political and religious hatred, or do we want to build what Dr. King called the beloved community?
The other resonant voice for me was President Barack Obama. He laid the blame firmly with Trump and his enablers. I felt that he was also speaking directly to me and all my fellow journalists when he wrote: “For two months now, a political party and its accompanying media ecosystem has too often been unwilling to tell their followers the truth…” Obama offered Republican leaders a choice: to either continue down a dark path or “choose reality…and choose America”
Although the majority of the media blame rests with Fox News, Sean Hannity, and all those media and social media platforms that allowed the false narrative of a “stolen election” to be amplified, every single journalist should examine his or her actions over the last four years. For example, NPR’s failing to call a lie a lie was a mistake in my view. Mary Louise Kelly explained “A lie is a false statement made with intent to deceive… Without the ability to peer into Donald Trump’s head, I can’t tell you what his intent was.”
I think the events of last week make that intent to deceive –– and win at all costs –– abundantly clear.
By contrast, the BBC, The New York Times and other mainstream outlets used the word “lie” when it was merited, countless times. Yet even some highly regarded colleagues inadvertently fueled the fire by demonstrating lazy journalism. On January 8th, the BBC’s North America editor, Jon Sopel’s retweet of Trump’s lies about a stolen election, without clearly flagging it as a lie, was a powerful case in point. A few hours later, Twitter finally gave Trump the red card he deserved months ago, but the damage was done. Sopel and those like him need to follow the plea of New York Times journalists like Sheera Frenkel and think carefully about how they use their powerful media megaphones.
Statements from other political elders like Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter and George W Bush are also worth reading. Which brings me to my latest BBC report.
When I read that Americans over 70 are showing remarkable resilience and optimism during this pandemic and lockdown, I thought, how can that be? We all know that the older you are, the more likely that Covid-19 can kill you, but here’s a fascinating statistic: in the United States, an 85 year-old grandmother who gets Covid is 10,000 times more at risk of death than her 15 year-old grandchildren. With odds like that, and the lockdown isolation you’d think that she’d be a lot more anxious and depressed than them, especially with the post-holiday spike in cases and prolonged lockdowns.
Instead, I discovered compelling research that demonstrates that the reverse is true. And found some valuable truths and life lessons for you and me.
Due to time constraints, the BBC wasn’t able to air all of the insights of the wise 19 year-old I interviewed, so I’m adding his wisdom at the end of this transcript and on the Fresh Dialogues podcast.
Riane Eisler is a grandmother of four, author, and President of the Center for Partnership Studies in Northern California. At 89, she’s energetic, busier than ever, and even optimistic about the immediate future.
Riane Eisler: Despite my age I’m still very very active doing online webinars, writing articles etc. Covid has not really changed my life that significantly. I’ve adjusted.
We tend to devalue our elders… Elders can be creative, active, and for me retirement is just… I don’t want to retire!
New research shows that although there are heightened levels of stress, anxiety and loneliness across all generations, older adults, like Eisler, are showing remarkable resilience, despite their forced isolation. Stanford University researchers surveyed almost 1000 Americans from 18 to 76 years-old in the early months of the lockdown.
Here’s Yochai Shavit, who co-authored the Stanford study.
Yochai Shavit: We found that older people reported feeling negative emotions less frequently and less intensely, and positive emotions more frequently and more intensely. Younger adults fared mostly worse than older adults.
Why was this?
Of course, it could be partly explained by the fact that younger adults are more likely to be directly and severely impacted by the pandemic’s economic and social fallout than older adults, especially retirees. But the study points to other reasons.
Yochai Shavit: As people age, they’re more motivated to find meaning and satisfaction in their present moment.So feeling joy becomes more important in older ages and worrying becomes less useful. When you have much of your life already lived, what we call limited time horizons, the future is just less of a priority and it becomes about what you choose to focus on.
Chris Campbell, a grandmother of four and retired attorney in Monterey County, agrees her time horizon contributes to her resilience.
Chris Campbell: I feel great today…It’s much easier when you’re in the last chapters of your life, as I am… to be in the moment and be very aware you have limited time left. To dilute or impair the time you have left with worry and anxiety is just so counterproductive. And I think that might be the secret to why we elderly people are perhaps not as stressed as younger people by this.
At 19 years of age, Luke Melcher is one of those stressed younger people. For his generation, there’s no apparent limit to the time horizon. But the opportunities at the start of their adult lives have been blocked by Covid’s restrictions – leaving many frustrated and angry he says.
Luke Melcher: I think a lot of kids felt cheated of very important years both academically and socially. We do all understand the significance of the virus but it’s a time when we are supposed to launching: going off to college or leaving college and going off into the real world. A lot of kids have been looking forward to this. It’s been hard for kids thinking that’ll never end. That’s what it feels like right now. It’s been going on for so long. It feels like it’s never going to stop.
Chris Campbell sympathises with how those much younger than her feel, even though the risk of death from Covid-19 is much higher for her age group.
Chris Campbell: There’s a collective sadness among many of us at the pain this virus has unleashed. Not just all the deaths, but the people whose livelihood has been destroyed and can’t feed their children.
So how do elders process that sadness and still nurture feelings of joy and pleasure? Yochai Shavit cites two key areas on which older people tend to focus to regulate their emotions:
Yochai Shavit: The first is emotionally close relationships become more of a priority… how they treat and approach these relationships: less confrontational, more forgiving, more generous to others. Making a positive social environment a priority.
The other thing is… when people of different ages are presented with stimuli that have positive and negative aspects, older adults tend to focus on the positive aspects, younger people on the negative aspects of things. Negative information is very useful in terms of evolutionary theory, when you have a long future ahead of you: it tells you what to avoid. (5min45secs elapsed at this point)
Kerstin Emerson of the University of Georgia adds some nuance to the correlation. During the spring lockdown, she surveyed the stress levels of about 800 people in two age groups: 60 to 70 year olds and 71 and older. She was surprised to find that, despite higher physical risk from Covid, 74% of the older group were “not that stressed,” compared to 56% of the younger group.
Emerson asked open-ended questions in her study and discovered these insights.
Kerstin Emerson: Lots of people worried for family members and society, but people remarked that this wasn’t the first time they’d gone through hard times… They know how to do this. They’re talking about resilience. By the time you’re 70 or 80 or 90, you’ve gone through some stuff. You have these coping mechanisms. I asked (them): how have your health behaviors changed since beginning social distancing? Some of them were the positive ones like exercising more, some were the less positive ones like drinking more, sleeping less, eating more.
The 70 plus were engaging in less of the negative health behaviors: less likely to drink more, eat more and sleep less. Their coping mechanisms were more positive: reading, taking walks… And being creative with our social connections, technology…
Some people who’re struggling emotionally are reframing 2020 as a gap year, giving themselves permission for all the missed deadlines, the lack of achievements or career advancement, or even employment.
Chris Campbell, now in her 8th decade, has this wisdom:
“My parents taught me: you have so little control over what happens to you and how other people behave. You have complete control over your reaction to it. That has become my mantra in my elderly years. I find it’s extremely powerful: I get to decide how I’m going to respond to the darkest days of the Trump administration, or a terrible pandemic… the pain and destruction that they brought.” Chris Campbell, retired attorney and grandma of four.
Riane Eisler has found a purpose in her writing and collaborations that sustains and energizes her. She frames the pandemic and lockdown in positive terms.
Riane Eisler: I think it’s a time for reflection on our personal lives and our social institutions. Look what it revealed about the lack of resilience… lack of justice in our economy. I’d advise people to try to be of service in some way… you can have zoom sessions with foster children, someone whose need you can help to meet…I think that can help us a great deal.
And what’s her advice for older people who don’t have access to the Internet?
Riane Eisler: Use what you’ve got which is the telephone. Voice can be very important: listening, listening to someone who perhaps needs to be heard, can be very healing really.
Maybe it’s time we all called our mothers, our fathers or an elderly relative or friend, to check in?
***
And here are some insights from 19 year-old Luke Melcher of Northern California, who speaks eloquently about the anger of his generation.
I started by asking him to rate the intensity of this frustration on a scale of zero to ten:
Luke Melcher: Fear of missing out on this time of my life would definitely be a ten because so much important stuff goes on when you’re a freshman in college, a senior in high school, so that I was very frustrated about… friends who didn’t get to do prom and graduation. In this time in our lives, we get control of our lives, we’re off to college, not in our parents’ homes, we can vote, we can drive. When something happens that’s out of our control, that pushes us back a couple of steps, then that’s where a lot of the anger comes from. A lot of adults are obviously settled. It’s easier for them, when Covid hit to be: it’s all good, we’re going to hunker down. A lot of kids felt they were cheated out on… very important years, both academically and socially. A lot of adults don’t put themselves in kids’ shoes. They don’t remember when they were launching off to college or launching off to jobs after college, and how painful that is to have to move back in with your parents and pause again.
Luke also shared some coping mechanisms that are working for him: things like intense workouts.
Luke Melcher: A lot of running and intense weight workouts, anything to get frustrations out… a time for me to escape and get a good sweat on… has helped so much. It made me not think about what’s going on in the world.
He’s even been meditating.
Luke Melcher: Sometimes I’d just be silent, especially when I was feeling a little depressed or angry I’d just sit and let the emotions come to me and just let them go….
***
Thank you for reading Fresh Dialogues. Let’s hope the next time we connect, Joe Biden will be our President and the majority of Americans –– honest, decent people –– will reject the violence of January 6th and unite behind our common goals and shared humanity. And let’s hope that Trump and his enablers will be held accountable for their misdeeds, and reforms put in place so that Trumpism doesn’t raise its ugly head ever again.
As Thomas Jefferson said: Truth is great and will prevail.
Finally: many thanks to the excellent production skills of the BBC’s Andrew Luck Baker who gave the report added gravitas by adding some musical flourishes.
This report is dedicated to my 95 year-old friend and fellow journalist, Elayne Wareing Fitzpatrick who inspired my research. She’s working on her final book titled Transforming Despair and told me last Fall: “I’ve never been happier in my life.”
I hope you and yours are staying well and relatively cheerful through this holiday season. Our family experienced a seismic shock last week and I’m feeling quite rattled. More on that below…
This dreadful year has made me more thankful than ever for a wee bit of humor. People like Janey Godley, who can make us laugh through our despair and tears, deserve a medal. I’d love to nominate her for a Covid Humanitarian Award, for bringing a smile to our faces and a belly laugh to our bodies when we needed it most.
Last night, my sadness was more local. I took a walk through the neighborhood and it was deeply unsettling. Here in California we’re under a new, stricter Covid shutdown that lasts through January 4th: no travel, no eating out, no large family gatherings. You know the drill! As I explored the empty streets, it seemed like we were back in March, except that now it feels much, much worse. The streets have a trickle of traffic, the restaurants are deserted, and shoppers few and far between. How are these small businesses going to survive? I worry about the laid off waitresses, shop assistants and support staff going through another round of layoffs. The holiday lights and “cheerful” Christmas music pulsing through an open-air mall felt, well… rather pathetic. I shivered, as I passed shiny-new outside eating areas, and parklets with tall plastic canopies. Rapidly erected for Covid-compliant dining, they now lie neglected, like abandoned relics of a bygone age.
Although there is light at the end of the tunnel, in the form of the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines, I fear they won’t stop this rising death-toll overnight, and the rollout will be painfully slow. And perhaps too slow for me to make it back to Britain on time…
Last weekend my 88 year-old mother took a turn for the worse. When we spoke on Sunday, I didn’t recognize her. Something has shifted in her brain: she was agitated and impatient. She talked nonstop and wouldn’t let me get a word in. After the call, my first instinct was to jump on the next flight back to London to be at her side, but I know that’s foolish…and dangerous. I feel a million miles from her, cut-off and helpless, just like it felt in March, when she ended up in hospital with a broken pelvis. The distance makes me feel impotent and even more furious at Trump. Not only did he mishandle the Federal pandemic response, it turns out he refused an offer to buy more of the Pfizer vaccine, earlier this year, which puts America at the end of the line for the second batch of the vaccine.
But instead of ruminating, I force myself to remember my mother’s regular advice when things get hard:
You know you’ve just got to get on with it!
So, in that spirit, let’s get on with it. Here are highlights from my latest appearance on the BBC World Service. I’ve chosen to feature a lighthearted discussion with the BBC’s Jamie Robertson. We explored Covid etiquette and what the Scottish government is doing to keep everyone not just safe, but civil during the next few months.
You’ll meet two women I admire more than ever this year: Scotland’s First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon, whose steady leadership and regular Covid briefings have shown world leaders how to be strong, principled and keep a good sense of humor. The second is writer and comedian Janey Godley whose regular voice-overs of Nicola has kept our family chuckling through some of the darkest days of the pandemic. If you haven’t discovered Janey Godley’s Twitter feed or YT channel, get on it, today!
In this excerpt, you’ll also hear about the mantra I’m trying to follow this festive season: Assume good intent!
In today’s world of high anxiety, it’s more relevant than ever…
Also, for the politicos listening, you’ll find a wee politics extra at the end of this podcast. During my BBC appearance, I talked about the incredible hypocrisy of the Trump administration. You might be thinking: There are loads of issues to choose from! You’ll soon find out what specific hypocrisy I’m referring to this week.
And if you’re wondering if that “Assume good intent” mantra applies to Trump. I’m not there yet, and probably never will be. For me, it doesn’t apply to evil, narcissistic, anti-science, white supremacist bullies.
Here’s a transcript of our conversation, edited for length and clarity:
Jamie Robertson: If you didn’t have enough to worry about with Covid and climate change and everything else, let me suggest you agonize a while over the etiquette of dealing with the coronavirus. Fortunately the Scottish government, Alison you’ll be glad to hear, has released a handy guide on how to react politely to anybody not keeping their distance.
One of the criticisms is that they’re treating people like toddlers…
Etiquette expert, Willian Hanson: This year, we’ve seen elbow touches, foot touches, but I think the nicest way is Namaste: two hands, it gives a focus to your hands…putting your hands together, thumbs resting on your heart chakra is a nice reminder that we’re not shaking hands, we shouldn’t be shaking hands. Jamie Robertson: So, Alison what do you think of the Scottish government’s advice?
Alison van Diggelen: I think: good on them! I think using a little bit of humor is a good way to go. I’ve been following Scottish First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon’s announcements and some of Janey Godley’s spoofs. Nicola Sturgeon has embraced that and retweeted them. However you can get the message out: we need to social distance, wear masks etc.
I like that advice to “assume good intent.” That’s something I’ve heard a lot in Silicon Valley tech circles. A colleague of mine says that mantra has changed her life: instead of over-reacting to someone being abrupt. When someone says “give me space” or “stand back,” instead of condemning them, think: they’re trying to protect me, or protect themselves.
Jamie Robertson: The point is really interesting: what the Scottish government is interested in, is not making people polite to each other, but getting people talking about it, and that heightens awareness.
Alison van Diggelen: Everyone is at a heightened state of anxiety right now, so some of these reactions are a mass overreaction, and if people think about it, we really have to change the way we do things.
Jamie Robertson: Have you seen people losing their temper?
Alison van Diggelen: I’ve heard of shop assistants getting into heated debates or even getting physical with customers because, unfortunately in America we’re getting mixed messages from the government. Unlike in Britain where you have decent leadership, especially in Scotland. Here we’re getting mixed messages that are whipping up these Covid deniers who’re saying: I’m defiantly NOT wearing a mask!
Some city councils are posting signs warning of $100 fines for not wearing masks. Hitting people’s wallets is a smart way to go.
Jamie Robertson: Will the pandemic leave permanent changes to the way we interact? Kissing on the cheek? Shaking hands? When do you think that’ll come back?
Alison van Diggelen: I’ve been doing elbow touches. There will be new etiquette practices that do stay. It’ll probably be many years before we go back to business as usual.
Jamie Robertson: Am I allowed to give you a virtual hug as I say goodbye?
Alison van Diggelen: I think we’re safe with that Jamie…
Politics extra
In the first half of the program, we discussed China’s banning of 105 smartphone apps, including the popular TripAdvisor. Jamie Robertson asked me if there’s political football being played through global trade?
I welcomed the opportunity to underline how ludicrous Trump loyalists are being. Trump’s deluded denial of his losing the election is one thing, but the fact that the majority of elected Republicans, and most of his cabinet, are going along with his repeated attempts to overturn the will of the American people is deeply disturbing. It undermines the democracy of the United States. As the BBC’s Anthony Zurcher says: “Mr Trump’s chances of success in the real world, however, sit squarely at zero.”
The whole saga reminds me of the cautionary tale of The Emperor’s New Clothes. At what point will Trump and his followers see the error of their ways and face the naked truth?
Here’s what I said on the BBC World Service:
Alison van Diggelen: The hypocrisy of the Secretary of State’s actions in Hong Kong is astounding. He’s sanctioning and criticizing Hong Kong officials for “undermining democracy” while his boss — Donald Trump — is doing the same in the United States by not conceding the election. It boggles the mind.
Thank you for joining us on Fresh Dialogues. As always we welcome your feedback on FB and Twitter
Here’s hoping that you and yours will have moments of joy this festive season, despite what my friend Shana calls the “chaos and suckage” of 2020. And as we say in Scotland at Hogmanay: Arra best, Arra time!
How are you? I hope you’re managing to keep your head above water these last tumultuous hours and days. This week on Fresh Dialogues, I have some reassuring wisdom and some practical tips to bring you comfort and help you keep hope alive.
Like millions of us, I watched in disbelief last night as many of the swing states turned red. The “blue wall” that some pundits anticipated –– and said Trump would pay for –– just didn’t materialize. I found myself in such a state of anxiety that I could barely breathe.
Frankly, I’m stunned that so many people voted for Trump despite his many atrocities: the blatant lies, his anti-science stance, demolishing environmental protections and his gross mishandling of the pandemic. And with the resurgence in Covid around the world, it sometimes feels there’s no end in sight to our elevated stress levels.
As I write this, early afternoon on Wednesday November 4th, the Associated Press has yet to call several key states, but there doeslook like a path to victory for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. I can but hope.
How do you find hope at times like these?
If you’re also feeling high anxiety, despair, or even depression right now, this advice from a wise man named Manfred will give you hope.
“It’s so important right now to take care of yourself, and in that act of self-love and compassion you may be able to reach out to another, and that person another still, until we collectively heal from these challenging times,” Manfred Melcher.
As you’ll hear soon, Manfred reminds us to “Mind your own light.” You’ll find out what he means below.
My latest report for the BBC explored the timely question: Is online connection as effective as face to face meetings?
I explored the surge in teletherapy, but I think there are important lessons to be gleaned for all of us, whether you’re seeking to connect to friends, family or a mental health expert. I was reminded of the importance of radical self care.
My report aired October 28th on the BBC World Service program, Health Check. The segment starts at 28:00 on the BBC podcast
You’ll even find some humor in the report, despite the heavy topic. After the transcript below, I’ll share some tips to help you get through these next few days and weeks. And please join me at the end of the Fresh Dialogues podcast as we do some deep cleansing breaths together. You’ll be surprised at how stress relieving that can be.
.
Here’s a transcript of the report (lengthened and edited for clarity). Names have been changed to protect people’s privacy.
The BBC’s Claudia Hammond: On the show last week, we were talking about the difficulty of patients and their relatives receiving bad news over the phone rather than in person due to restrictions in hospitals. Now something similar is happening in therapy sessions.
In the United States, a recent survey by the American Psychological Association found that due to the virus, three-quarters of therapists are now providing remote services, either on the phone, or through video conferencing software. But when people are pouring their hearts out and talking about their innermost thoughts, can a digital encounter ever be the same as a face to face session?
For Health Check, our reporter Alison van Diggelen reports from the west coast of the U.S. where, as well as the pandemic, people have been dealing with forest fires, choking smoke, and power cuts. The demand for mental health care is growing.
Alison van Diggelen: Kristin, lives alone in a beachside community in Southern California. She faced intense challenges before Covid struck. Recently divorced, she moved house and launched a new business last year. On top of her anxiety and panic attacks, there’s now another stress factor:
Kristin: Loneliness definitely has been an issue… not being able to see family: touching people, hugging people for four, five, six months. We weren’t built for that. Humans are built to connect. We have this innate need to connect with each other. Covid took that away. In order to protect each other, we had to disconnect. And find other ways to stay connected.
Alison van Diggelen: She saw an ad for the online therapy app Talk Space, featuring the Olympian swimmer, Michael Phelps.
Kristin: I did think: if he’s open to talking about it… I think people should talk about it more. We hire trainers to keep us physically fit all the time, and our mental health is just as important. That’s what a therapist is there for: to help us work on those issues which are just as hard, and if you don’t address them, it’s very dangerous. I said, there’s nothing to lose to try it.
Alison van Diggelen: Six hundred miles north, Arthur, a recent college grad, is adjusting to life back home with his parents and starting a new job in Northern California.
Arthur: All these feelings overwhelm you: mainly anxiety. depression, it’s been a tough time… especially family matters.
Alison van Diggelen: Even further north, Justin, a millennial, based in Washington State suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and depression. He obsesses about finding perfection and has regular compulsions to wash his hands.
Justin: One of my biggest triggers is unstructured time so when I started working remotely after Covid, it just really messed up my productivity and work habits. It became challenging to focus. I need a good separation of work and life…
Alison van Diggelen: When he visits his extended family, he faces even more triggers:
Justin: One of my family members triggers my intrusive thoughts, makes me feel invalidated.
Alison van Diggelen: Kristin, Arthur and Justin are some of the 50 million Americans with mental health issues. A 2017 study from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration revealed that only 43% received treatment.
Of those who’ve managed to get help, since Covid struck, most are unable to meet with therapists in person and have begun using online platforms like zoom or similar technology to connect via video or audio.
But how does it compare to traditional, in-person therapy? Leslie Moreland is director of the Regional TeleMental Health Program at the San Diego Veterans Administration Health Care System. She cites peer-reviewed studies showing that video conferencing can be just as effective as face-to-face therapy for treating post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and anxiety. She says telehealth can help close the gaping needs gap.
Leslie Moreland: The studies have shown repeatedly that in terms of clinical efficacy, meaning symptom reduction, that the video conferencing modality is comparable, so you can achieve the same clinical outcomes, in terms of clinical effectiveness, feasibility and safety.
Alison van Diggelen: Moreland also examined what researchers call “therapeutic alliance” – which is when you feel comfortable with a therapist, that you can trust them, and that they attune to and validate your experience. Is it possible to establish all of that, when the patient and client aren’t even in the same room?
Leslie Moreland: The research has found that the therapeutic alliance is quite comparable, and is comparable enough that the benefit of the treatment still stays intact. Research has shown that patients do like to get therapy this way. More times than not, if you have the option to sit in the same room as someone, that’s often better, it feels more comfortable for folks.
Alison van Diggelen: Moreland believes that even before Covid, busy schedules, and juggling a family and a career, made teletherapy the only practical solution for many people, especially those living in remote areas.
For Kristin, saving time driving to and from therapy sessions was a huge advantage of moving from traditional therapy to teletherapy.
Kristin: Right away I felt connected, well taken care of. It was very professional. I liked the therapist I was matched with.
Alison van Diggelen: After a couple of video conferencing sessions with her new therapist, she used the texting feature exclusively.
Kristin: The technology of just having it on my phone. I liked that so much better than seeing a therapist at a certain time, and having all that stuff bottled up, writing it down in a journal. It was easier, if I was dealing with an issue or triggered by something, I could just take out the app and text her. I would get a response within two hours. I just LOVED that. It felt like having my own personal mental health trainer in my pocket.
Alison van Diggelen: Justin also likes the flexibility that teletherapy offers:
Justin: The best thing about teletherapy is the freedom to do it wherever I feel comfortable doing it. I like to pace a lot, move around when I do therapy. I like doing it outside. It’s nice to have fresh air. I get stuck in thought loops easily and therapy helps me parse out everything I’m thinking of sequentially. That helps me feel able to move forward.
Alison van Diggelen: But Leslie Moreland warns against treating therapy too casually – and has learned to set boundaries with clients. She’s even had to ask some to save that glass of wine or beer for after their session.
Leslie Moreland: There’s an informality that can influence the process… People get very casual, we have to remind them you need to wear a shirt … people are in the drive-through ordering food! If you don’t have anywhere in your room that’s safe, you can sit in the bathroom but we prefer otherwise.
Alison van Diggelen: Andrew finds technology glitches, rough connections and lagged responses can make the challenge of communicating with his male therapist harder.
Andrew: Some things are tougher to explain on Zoom. If he asks me a question, I have to find more words to convey the message. In a sense that facial expressions, body language and being able to read the tone of voice: It’s better in-person than on a call.
Alison van Diggelen: But he has learned some valuable life lessons from teletherapy:
Andrew: I used to feel I had to climb the whole mountain, it was just overwhelming. I realize the problem can be broken up into smaller chunks. You take each one by one….You don’t need to find the one answer to deal with the whole problem. It’s a process.
Alison van Diggelen: And how is teletherapy working for therapists? Manfred Melcher is a California based therapist with over 20 years of experience. He conducts about 70% of his therapy sessions online, but has mixed feelings about teletherapy.
Manfred Melcher: I notice if I do too many in a row, I get fatigued more than I do in in-person sessions. So much takes place in person with a client, the nuances of connection… While a video is quite good, it’s not the same. ..I try to do two in a row, then schedule someone who wants to come in in-person, or I’ll take a break. I try to do not more than 5 a day, that’s my limit.
Alison van Diggelen: He also cautions against the “app-ificaton” of mental health: the spike in online apps like Talk Space that offer text based therapy.
Manfred Melcher: We interact with technology with a lot of casualness….That could hurt people. I’d advise people to see apps in a realm of entertainment. They could contribute to your knowledge of psychology, understanding yourself emotionally, but the treatment… If you’re going to technology for treatment for a psychological issue, a medical issue: Woah! I’d be very cautious.
Alison van Diggelen: Experts predict that teletherapy is here to stay, except for severe cases of mental illness (like psychosis), where in-person therapy is vital. Most therapists and patients expect they’ll adopt a hybrid approach to therapy after the pandemic.
Therapist Manfred Melcher anticipates that the mental health crisis has yet to peak. Even he admits to moments of despair and finds the mantra “Mind your own light” sustains him.
Manfred Melcher: It’s so important right now to take care of yourself, and in that act of self-love and compassion you may be able to reach out to another, and that person another still, until we collectively heal from these challenging times.
That is my greatest hope… that we realize how connected the world is, and how dependent we are on each other. We are one human family in a deep relationship.
Our survival depends on each of us minding to our own light, and honoring the light of the other. And in lifting up the other, we lift up ourselves.
Alison van Diggelen: Justin, the young millennial dealing with depression in Washington gets a lot of the support he needs from teletherapy – but hopes to see his therapist regularly, in person, soon…..
Justin: I think everyone can benefit from therapy… it’s incredibly helpful and very grounding. For me it’s important to be face to face with someone. It makes me more comfortable and helps me focus better.
END of report
Simply put, we all need each other, and deep connection more than ever right now. But we must remember to first, mind our own light.
If there’s ever a time for radical self care, this is it dear friends. Do whatever nourishes you this week:
Finally, I hope this breathing exercise will help you get through the next few challenging days. Here’s a handy video that helped me cope with last night. Many thanks to the team at The School of Self for making it.
If you’d like to try this breathing exercise, please turn off your phone, close your eyes and put one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Are sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin…(Take three long, deep breaths: in for five…out for five, in for six…out for six, in for seven…out for seven).
Remember: Mind your own light, and then share it with others who need it right now…
Thanks again for reading and listening to Fresh Dialogues. I sincerely hope the next time we connect, we’ll all be breathing more easily.
Find out more about radical self care at Fresh Dialogues:
With less than three weeks until the election, it’s a nerve wracking time here in the United States. Some call it a battle for the soul of the nation. Certainly the stakes could not be higher. This election will determine the future of the United States and in some respects, the world.
As a journalist, I strive to be balanced, and talk about the facts of any situation. I try not to air my personal preferences on the BBC. But this election year, I’m not pulling any punches about what an immoral and polarizing president Donald Trump has been. His dangerous impacts on civil rights, the environment and our standing in the world have and will have far reaching consequences. Another four years is unthinkable.
For these reasons, I’m backing the Biden-Harris ticket and joined the Vote Forward campaign to send handwritten letters to unregistered voters in swing states. Our goal is to convince silent voices that their vote matters and we’re urging them to take part and vote on November 3rd.
For all those afraid to speak up and speak out, Kamala Harris is a profound inspiration. This quote resonates for me and I hope it does for you:
“You are powerful and your voice matters. You’re going to walk into many rooms in your life where you may be the only one who looks like you. But remember that you are not alone. We are all in that room with you, applauding you. Cheering your voice. So you use that voice and be strong.” Kamala Harris
Kamala’s words helped me speak out during my last BBC World Service appearance when I called Trump xenophobic and described his immigration policy “a lose-lose” for America. Find out below what I meant by that.
I had a lively conversation about immigration and innovation with the BBC’s Rahul Tandon and Andy Xie, an influential Chinese economist, based in Shanghai. Andy shared some insights about the Chinese education system that may surprise you.
Here is a transcript of our discussion, (edited for length and clarity).
Rahul Tandon: Alison, when you talk to people about the election, and the issues that are going to decide who people are going to vote for, where does immigration figure in that?
Alison van Diggelen: Immigration is an important issue, especially in Silicon Valley. There was a lot of backlash when Trump clamped down on H1B visas for skilled workers in Silicon Valley. A lot of tech CEOs spoke up and said it’s going to have a net effect of reducing jobs for American workers. To Andy’s point about people feeling unwelcome in America, Trump has been explicit and implicit about his xenophobic attitude, because he knows that it plays to his base.
I think this is going to be a double whammy for America: The first loss is the immigrant innovation benefit that’s given America its competitive edge and has led to (the creation and dominance of) Silicon Valley.
The second loss is that it energizes Trump’s base and helps him potentially get re-elected. So I think Trump’s immigration policy is a lose-lose for America.
Rahul Tandon: A lot of Indians will tell you that Silicon Valley is made up of a lot of Indians. A lot of these big companies’ bosses did come from India (eg Google’s Sundar Pichai). Do you think these conversations are different if you went to a state like Texas?
Alison van Diggelen: Yes, it’s possible. Silicon Valley does face competition from Austin in Texas. It’s seen as the upstart to Silicon Valley. But what’s coming from Trump is this general feeling of: you’re not welcome if you’re an immigrant. It’s like shooting the country’s economic powerhouses in the foot.
Rahul Tandon: Andy, do you think some of the president’s rhetoric will put some Chinese students off going to the United States?
Andy Xie: Oh, yeah! The issue in China is that you have to decide very early if you want to go abroad for college education.
Rahul Tandon: How early?
Andy Xie: In primary school you have to decide if you want to compete in the local college entry examinations or go abroad. Usually the preferred location is the US. So now a lot of parents are saying: maybe UK, maybe Australia? But still, the US has a lot more top universities than anywhere else. The Chinese system is very rigid… What’s going on is a huge problem for hundreds of thousands of people in China.
Rahul Tandon: Alison, we know there’s a high unemployment rate in the US, is that heightening the debate about immigration? Are we hearing more Americans saying: there are just not enough jobs here, what the president is talking about makes sense, we can’t let more people in.
Alison van Diggelen: Certainly his base believes that, they’ll believe anything he says. But the facts that the BBC’s Manuela Saragosa reported, from the experts, show the opposite. Trump and his supporters are blind to the facts, just like they’re blind to the science of climate change. The fact is that more than 60% of those working in computer, math and science in Silicon Valley are foreign born, and that’s not a coincidence. Silicon Valley needs that skilled workforce in order to do what they do.
I’m excited to share my latest BBC report with you and introduce a remarkable woman who changed the way I see the world. When I heard my report on the BBC World Service last week, I was moved to tears. A lot has happened since I filed it in early August…
Animals help us reconnect to a wise and ancient part of ourselves that naturally knows how to find balance and alignment. A good deal of our resilience to stress and change comes from our self care practices.
Animals show us how powerfully soothing it can be to just sit and breathe together. Sit close to your pet and focus on your breath and his or hers for a few breaths. Give your dog or cat a light pet. Put your other hand on your heart and soothe your inner human animal. Now, think about what human relationships of yours might benefit from such a gentle and wordless check in. Beth Killough, Psychotherapist
In July, it seemed that things could hardly be worse here in Northern California. Covid rates started to tick up and with that came another round of tighter lock downs and restrictions. And then a freak lightning storm sparked dozens of fires. Overnight we had friends who faced evacuation, and others unable to go outside, as air quality spiked far beyond Beijing levels. Overnight, my 95 year-old friend had to evacuate and find refuge with her little dog, Buddy. Overnight, we all became experts at analyzing Purple Air, the air quality app where anything over 400 is classed as an “emergency condition” for public health. One morning, I woke to see one Bay Area monitor at 666 on the scale of 0 to 500.
The things that had become the “new normal” were suddenly out of reach: simple things like taking a walk in the nearby park to relieve cabin fever, doing yoga class on the lawn of the local fairgrounds, and eating outside at our favorite dog-friendly restaurant. Now we all have to dig even deeper to find silver linings and nurture some optimism for a better day.
Did you know that one in three Americans are showing symptoms of depression? It’s likely even higher than that. A close friend who’s a therapist tells me she’s never been busier. We’re all taking one day, one hour at a time. That’s why we could all do with a Beth Killough in our lives. She’s a deeply insightful person who suggests we need a toolbox of choices to help us deal with stress and anxiety. Here’s her story:
Seven years ago, Beth bought a ranch and let go of her traditional office-based talk therapy practice. Now she uses her psychology insights and her barn full of horses to teach resilience, radical self care and leadership skills. She helps her clients tune into their own instincts and pivot to new projects and passions. Thinking her wisdom could hardly be more timely, I talked to my BBC editor in London about making her the focus of my latest report.
You might think that equine therapy –– working with horses to improve your resilience and well being –– is a niche thing, something for the affluent or the physically impaired. But Beth explains that some of the techniques are easy to practice at home and timely for this time of high anxiety and Covid related stress. They might even help you navigate this challenging time more easily and pivot to more joyful relationships and a sustainable career path.
Here’s a transcript of my report for BBC Health Check, including some bonus material that didn’t make the final cut:
Alison: Beth Killough works on her Northern California ranch and has seen a spike in clients looking for help for anxiety, trauma and loneliness since the pandemic began. Today her client is a 50 year-old woman named Michelle and they’re in the barn with Riva, a brown mare with a black mane and tail.
Beth: Notice as you brush her, she gives you feedback. She’s telling you…
Michelle: I can’t tell. I’m not sure what her feedback is…
Beth: If I stop talking and you start observing, it’ll help you tune in…
Michelle: Yes…with my dog it’s so incredibly obvious. If you stop, he’ll buck my hand to keep going.
Beth: Right as I stopped talking, she started licking and chewing which is her nervous system going into a relaxed state. She also took some steps forward. What is she showing you?
Michelle: I’m going to adjust so you’re doing (brushing) where I want you to be.
Alison: Beth Killough has been working with horses for four decades. She pivoted her traditional talk therapy practice to equine therapy when she bought the ranch 7 years ago. She examined equine research that showed physiological healing in people with PTSD and decided that you don’t have to be in trauma to benefit from working with horses.
Beth: If you look at where you are. Just pause. You got yourself in a little tight spot there! Did you feel it?
Michelle: Umm no.
Beth: The more focused you are picking up on her, the less focused you’ll be on your own pressure. This is a safe horse… However, you’re in between a thousand pound animal and a wall! So where are the places in your life you get in a tight spot without even realizing how you got there?
Michelle: Ummm..
Alison: The healing power of horses dates back to the ancient Greeks who used them for therapeutic purposes. In modern times, equine therapy still has its skeptics but anecdotal evidence is now being supported by growing clinical research.
Ellen Kaye Gehrke runs an integrative health program at National University in San Diego. She has been researching the human-animal bond for 15 years and her latest peer reviewed research examined the treatment of PTSD in nine war veterans. It showed remarkable results.
Ellen: We were at a conference a couple of years ago and a bunch of public health people came up to us and said: What pill are giving those people? The effect is like a drug.
Alison: Kaye Gehrke works with small groups of war veterans, some of whom have lost hope and are suicidal. Her eight week programs help them build connection with the horses through grooming, and interactive activities. More recently she has them saddle up and ride.
Ellen: We wanted to get the veterans up on the horses, not to go galloping away but just to have some movement.
We did notice there was quite a bit of difference…Their spirit, their physical carriage, the way they stood, the openness around their faces. The main point of my program is the heart connection.
Alison: What does Kaye Gehrke mean by “the heart connection”?
It relates to heart rate variability (HRV), the variation in the time between consecutive heartbeats. A normal, healthy heart does not tick evenly like a metronome, but instead, there is constant variation. In general, the higher the variation at rest, the fitter you are and the greater your ability to handle stress.
Professor Michael Myers, chair of health sciences and a research physiologist at National University has found that being with horses improves your HRV.
Mike: Horses are prey animals so they’re constantly alerted to their surroundings and that seems to trigger some response in humans: The response we see is documentable…
We use a technique…It’s basically reflection based bio-optical imaging. Photoplethysmogram or PPG for short. We’re able to measure the heartbeats of the subject. Something around horses changes the heartbeat variation. When the heart is beating the same, that’s stress. It’s fight or flight response, when you’re running from the tiger.
What’s really good is this: a couple of short beats then a long beat. Horses seem to have that effect….
Alison: Myers was surprised to measure an almost immediate physiological effect in the war veterans.
Myers: Within the first visit, within three hours, their heart rate variability has changed in a positive way.
Ellen: Their heart rate variability improved the first day but their self report took four weeks for them to have confidence…We could see they were getting better, but they were still in these messages of self destruct…By the fourth week, they started changing their self report about how they were feeling: less agitated, less irritable, more joyful. Their psychology was lagged, compared to their physiology.
Alison: Beth Killough has found that the practices used for PTSD treatment can benefit her clients. In sessions of two to four hours, they are introduced to the horses in the pasture, choose a horse and spend time interacting and grooming it. Killough helps them reflect on every interaction, allowing them to become aware of patterns in their own behavior and tune into their own thoughts and actions, both at home and at work.
Back in the barn, Killough explains how horses deal with new challenges…
Beth: When something new enters, the horses experience and respond by circling up and moving their bodies until the pressure releases. Then they’ll circle back and examine…
They’re taking care of themselves 100% of the time, it’s radical self care and it’s safety in numbers.
If we go into a freeze state or try to think our way through it, it makes it worse.
Beth: If you get scared and reactive, you have to ask yourself: what do I need right now? You’re not going to go galloping off, letting the cortisol and adrenaline release…
That’s why you can’t sleep. It’s coursing through you and hasn’t anywhere to get out. So when we don’t know what to do to take care of ourselves. We get into habits where we do something relational…
Alison: … like fighting with a family member
Beth: What we need to do first is take care of ourselves.
We need to build a bucket, a toolbox of choices: Things you can do when you feel that way. You can’t think of these things when you’re in the panic.
Alison: Killough recommends we move our bodies: go on a walk in nature, get a punching bag, find outlets to physically express yourself.
Beth: A lot of our anxiety symptoms are caused by not giving ourselves little moments. We deprive ourselves of it, so we’re thirsty for it.
It’s first pressure, then tension, then stress, then pain, then anxiety. There’s a sequence.
There’s some unlayering that will happen… The smells, the textures you noticed: That’s the vibrant part of our humanity we miss out on when we’re focused on our thoughts, our worries, other people, and either the past or the future.
Those are the things most distracting…Did that make sense?
Michelle: Yeah…
Alison: Of course, we don’t all have access to horses. Can our pets improve our mental health, and our adaptability to change? Killough recommends learning self care from our pets. For example: shifting our mindset about walking our dogs. Instead of a chore, consider it from your dog’s perspective. Could it be an exhilarating adventure that sparks curiosity, playfulness, and joy? Switch off autopilot, and consider it your resilience practice. You and your dog are two mammals venturing into the world together….
Here’s Beth Killough with one last thought:
Beth: Animals help us reconnect to a wise and ancient part of ourselves that naturally knows how to find balance and alignment. A good deal of our resilience to stress and change comes from our self care practices.
Animals show us how powerfully soothing it can be to just sit and breathe together. Sit close to your pet and focus on your breath and his or hers for a few breaths. Give your dog or cat a light pet. Put your other hand on your heart and soothe your inner human animal. Now, think about what human relationships of yours might benefit from such a gentle and wordless check in.
Why is Trump accusing China of hacking biotech companies, and threatening to ban TikTok? Smart policy or Red Scare tactics to distract us from his fatal response to the pandemic ?
Last month, Donald Trump finally started wearing a mask and doling out some good advice on Covid. Is it too little, too late?
I was invited to join the BBC World Service program Business Matters to discuss the latest reversal from the White House, as well as breaking business news and analysis.
“Trump only started wearing a mask last week, which is unconscionable. And he’s been spreading misinformation on the number of cases and cures…”
Here are highlights from my conversation with the BBC’s effervescent Rahul Tandon in London, and outspoken business advisor Simon Littlewood in Singapore. The transcript has been edited for length and clarity.
Rahul Tandon: Alison, where you are in Silicon Valley, this rising tension between China and the US… What do people make of it? Is there a lot of support for the president and Mike Pompeo’s strong stance?
Alison van Diggelen: This is a political move, this is distracting action from our president’s mess up of the response to the Covid virus. I applaud their call to come together to fight a common enemy. But they’re forgetting that the biggest threat humanity faces is Covid-19.
There is a race going on, it’s like a new space race to find a reliable vaccine. It’s even more intense than the space race: the first country to get there will get a humanitarian reward of saving lives and also an economic reward. There will be a massive reward by allowing a swift return to business as usual, and a huge boost in consumer confidence.
This Trump White House action is a distracting political move. It feels a bit like the Red Scare of the Cold War Era.
Simon Littlewood: I agree. That’s exactly what it is. I’d echo Alison’s comments. There clearly are serious domestic issues in the U.S. and the president would do well to concentrate on them.
Rahul Tandon: I want to come back to Alison: we’re talking about China trying to hack information when it comes to Coronavirus vaccines and treatments. That’s just like the old world of espionage. It’s something that’s always gone on and now we’re looking at the stakes in a new tech world?
Alison van Diggelen: That’s right. Last week’s Twitter hack showed that even tech companies in the heart of Silicon Valley, with some of the smartest minds in the world and savvy programmers, are not immune to cyber criminals. I think it’s very likely that Americans are doing the same in China. Every major super power is trying to hack in and see what the other countries are doing. It’s just like the space race.
Rahul Tandon: There we go. We have two of the finest minds in the world with us here on Business Matters today. (Thanks Rahul!)
Simon Littlewood: Hopefully un-hacked!
Rahul Tandon: I was very certain about Alison. But Simon, we’ll need to give you another 40 minutes to see how you perform during the rest of the program…
Trump: We’re asking Americans to wear a mask…imploring young Americans to avoid packed bars, and other indoor gatherings. Be safe and be smart.
Rahul Tandon: Are Americans being safe and smart? Are people wearing masks?
Alison van Diggelen: I’m holding my breath hearing the president. He only started wearing a mask last week, which is unconscionable. And he’s been spreading misinformation on the number of cases and cures.
I’m glad to hear that he’s finally pushing the right message –– congratulations to whoever persuaded him! But his White House has been undermining the clear scientific evidence from Anthony Fauci who’s probably the best qualified to educate the world on what needs to be done.
It’s a little late, but I’m glad he’s doing the right thing finally. I hope he uses his Twitter account to spread the right message: Wearing a mask is the most effective thing people can do, as well as sheltering at home and minimizing exposure to others.
We also discuss:
The Green Recovery: Fergus Nicoll’s interview with Tim Smith, the founder of the Eden Project about changing attitudes to nature, localism and the environment, as a result of the pandemic.
What can be done to tackle the growing problem of fake news during the coronavirus pandemic?
Due to time constraints, the BBC wasn’t able to air all of the insights of the wise 19 year-old I interviewed, so I’m adding his wisdom at the end of this transcript and on the Fresh Dialogues podcast. 
Finally: many thanks to the excellent production skills of the BBC’s Andrew Luck Baker who gave the report added gravitas by adding some musical flourishes.
